Food – Some of Nature’s Best Work

Posted on November 4, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

The best thing about experiencing different cultures is acquiring new eyes to take a better look at your own.

As I lie in a hammock on a day that falls nothing short of perfection in the south of France, I am forced to examine the North American lifestyle; particularly pertaining to food.

Here in Provence, folks are up with the sun strolling into the local village to stock up on their daily provisions. Every morning the same quest for food takes place. With canvas shopping bags hung over their shoulders these Parisians, and all of us who dare to copy, can be seen poking at fruit, studying vegetables and standing in line for their favourite pastry du jour.

There is no rushing here. Tasty food takes time to inspect and select. The journey home is often interrupted by a pause at the café. Small round tables with chairs facing the road are common place. Everyone enjoys watching the world go by as they read the paper or catch up on the daily gossip.

So what am I learning about life in Provence? There is an appreciation of beauty in each moment here. There is a closeness with the earth and what it provides.

I can take back home an increased sense of awareness in all that is related to food. I want to sniff more fruit and sample more cheese. I want to get to know my neighbourhood grocers and be educated about what is fresh and local on their shelves. I want to wake every morning in search of the perfect thing to eat that day instead of loading up a grocery cart with two weeks of pre-planned meals.

I want to take more time to think about, prepare and present meals. Catching myself when I start to take all the goodness the earth provides for granted.

We are very fortunate in North America. Our options are endless. Perhaps we have too many. Have we become numb to the beauty of a fresh peach or the effort it takes to grow a tomato? Are we in such a hurry to get on with our day that we are unconscious about the very essence that allows us to have a day at all? The earth’s food, I thank you Provence for reminding me of its glory.

What will your next meal look like?

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You call this a promotion?

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

More and more I hear this from people who have been given promotions or head hunted from other companies only to be treated badly when they step into their new role. If a person has made the cut for that coveted position, they have most likely worked hard to earn it. A downturn in the economy does not give employers permission to treat people badly. We may have the luxury of more talented candidates to choose from, but once the choice is made don’t take these folks for granted.

It is important to remember that the employer/employee relationship runs both ways. The gratitude a recently promoted worker feels will most likely be obvious. The employer however needs to be equally grateful.  Finding people you believe in enough to serve up more of your company’s responsibility to isn’t easy. When we as employers start to take our staff, regardless of their position, for granted we devalue them as people. If they sense that, their work will begin to reflect it. Productivity goes down. Attitudes become more jaded. They start to question why they are there.  Loyalty to you and your business will evaporate.

When people aren’t acknowledged for their effort or treated respectfully, it plays on their self-esteem. The lower their self-esteem, the more likely they are to make mistakes, in turn lowering their self-esteem. It’s a downward spiral.

If you have promoted someone recently, or poached an executive away from another company, with the hope that he/she will be the rock star your business needs, treat them as such. If that person isn’t fulfilling your expectations you have no one to blame but yourself.  You made the choice. You created the job. You are their leader. If they fail, you have failed.

People at all levels of business want to know they are making a contribution. Make sure you let them know how and how much on a regular basis. They will reward you with loyalty and good work. Two ingredients needed from employees for any business to succeed.

When was the last time you praised your team?

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Stuff – why do we give it so much value?

Posted on September 6, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

Two years ago I redecorated the inside of my house. I had come to the realization the furniture that surrounded me had all been purchased by my 20 something persona. Now that I had reached a more, let’s call it mature age, I felt that my surroundings should reflect my growing sophistication.

I hired a decorator and declared that my house be transformed from “Canadian Country” to “French Country” and two months later, presto I had my wish. What I didn’t realize was that all of my “old” furniture, which my niece happily took for her first apartment, represented not just my younger style but also all the corresponding memories. I am not a person who goes into a department store and buys a set of living room furniture. No, I am the kind of person who over a decade had searched out and carefully picked each piece. Days of antique hunting with girlfriends; hours of sifting through countless selections of fabrics; all with the conscious effort of making my place a cozy, welcoming home.

As I watched each personally selected item go out the door and onto a moving truck, unexpected pangs of regret hit me. If furniture could talk, what would it be saying? Don’t get rid of me, remember… oh the stories it could tell. Had I just given away my life?

That moment resurfaced for me again this week as I tagged and moved some of my mother’s treasured pieces from her home of 46 years. She has decided to move into a retirement residence and with her, travel some of her memories and mine. I suspect she will go through the same angst when closing the door on most of her belongings and the house they resided in. They too will hold the memories of a well lived life.

What I have learned from my more trivial experience two years previous, is that things don’t hold our memories. We do. It didn’t take long for me to forget about the passed on Canadiana collection. My new décor has risen up to meet my expectations. It surrounds me in the same loving and welcoming way. The truth is that the things didn’t make the space, I did and I still do. I hope my mother can recognize and embrace that realization.

Home is home because of the people in it and the stories they share. Everything else is just stuff.

What belongings are you having trouble letting go of? Is it time?

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Don’t put your name on the door

Posted on August 15, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

Many an entrepreneur has started a small business with the early intention of just feeding their family.  They may have a service or product that they believe in and feel they can improve on and out perform their competition.

For lack of a better name, or in some cases to nourish their ego, these well intended industrialists decide to name the business after themselves; Smiths’ Grocery Store, Jones’ Pharmacy and so on. This is the point where I believe most new entrepreneurs go wrong. At that moment they have not only started a company but a family brand and the foundation for the reputation of their heirs. As soon as they put their name on the door, they have without thought, just given birth to a family business.

Whether your business stays small or has the vision and good fortune to turn into an internationally recognized brand; the ability to separate it from family, if your name is on the door, is next to impossible. Your children, their children and their children’s children will step into reputations that precede them. Reputations lead to expectations. In many cases both will be impossible to live up to.

On the other side of the namesake coin hides the open door policy. Anyone who comes from a well known family business will understand how the simple fact that you carry that name can grant you access to otherwise closed environments. From the outside this can be seen as nothing but an advantage but once behind the exclusive walls the gremlins of low self esteem are revealed.  When opportunity is too easy, one will always question if it is deserved and if it could have been accomplished independently.

Those next in line, who don’t care about their independence, need be aware of the slippery slope into the land of entitlement. Here the characteristics of posturing, arrogance and snobbery are bred, coupled with deep rooted insecurity. Reputation killers for sure. Not to mention the seeds that foster the destruction of your forefather’s kingdom.

All of this is not to say that family businesses can’t thrive and continue on for many generations. I do believe they can. I am suggesting that without being aware of the ramifications caused by putting your name on the door, you are lessening your chances tenfold. Growth of a family business cannot come without growth of a family.

Build a business and see if your family rises to meet it. Not because they bear the name but because they desire to participate and have worked hard to deserve the chance, thus creating their own reputation.

What name is on your company’s door and what effect is it having on your family?

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Bullies – not only in the playground

Posted on August 2, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

I must admit that at first thought the term “bully” is one I associate with adolescent boys in a playground. The typical image comes to mind; three or four rough looking kids physically intimidating one obviously meeker child.

As an adult, what I have found is that the “mature” bully can be as equal and at times a more dangerous predator than their adolescent counterpart. They may not be as obvious a threat at first, no physical punches thrown, but the net result of their destruction can be vast.

I have come across a few bullies in my life. Most of whom I have had business relations with. Much like in a domestic setting, the entire psyche of a company can be bent around the intimidation mantra of a bully if they are the one in charge.

Beware of common traits I have noticed. They are seemingly very approachable at first; awkwardly friendly; going out of their way to massage their connection with me.  As is nature’s way, true colours push through. When? At the moment I disagree with them. Enter the controlling, intimidating, self-serving bully.

Beware their attempt to manipulate you and the situation. In my experience, these full grown aggressors are very good at preying on those of us who believe most people act in good faith. It’s like cat nip for bullies. Their ability to twist facts and leave their victim second guessing right from wrong is quite remarkable. I have left many conversations with a bully, feeling guilty for having an opinion and feeling responsible for their well being.

I now recognize the bullies in my life.  I have learned to stay focused on what I need to say and accomplish when dealing with them. Less interaction is better and I always have a strategy.

I have come to understand that my reaction to these adult tough guys/girls is totally controlled by me. It’s a powerful realization.

Are there bullies in your life? How are you reacting to them?

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Dating a Texter – where to draw the line?

Posted on July 4, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

I don’t have children, so admittedly I haven’t a full understanding of a parents’ need to be in contact with their brood at all times. I do know however, that when I was a child, my parents, who were very social people and went out often, had strict rules about my ability to interfere. Typically the sitter was given the contact number, one only to be used in an emergency.

Even when Mom and Dad went on their much loved week long vacations with friends, contacting them wasn’t an option. The sitter had a 911 itinerary sheet just in case disaster struck. I don’t remember ever needing to make that call.

An emergency “back in the day” involved hospitals, pools of blood, broken bones or houses burning down.  It was a short list with tough criteria. Anything less than these traumatic events was not cause for parental interruption.

Today I find myself out on romantic dinners, at five star restaurants, with divorced men AND their offspring. The kids aren’t actually there…they have them in their pocket. The emergencies that frequently interrupt our conversation are about soccer practice tomorrow or questions like “Dad, have you seen my running shoes?”

It seems in this day and age impossible for two adults to have an uninterrupted meal. When did parents stop having independent lives? It begs the question “who needs who?”  I just don’t get it.

I will say that if the Blackberry comes out during a date with me for anything less than a true crisis, I’m out.

For those of you who are considering re-entering the dating scene, take heed; have you created appropriate boundaries with your children so you can get back in the game?

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Rain or Shine? I know what I would choose

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

Are there people in your world that continually smother your optimism with a shroud of hopelessness? People that have the ability to suck the life out of every inspired thought you have. Leaving you wondering why you share your beliefs with them at all?

It’s not like they are trying to defeat you on purpose. It is just the way they show up. It must be exhausting being so afraid of life’s choices and possibilities. Always finding the bad in every good, the wrong in every right and the shouldn’t in every could. I can not imagine going through life that way. Where is the joy in it?

Don’t get pulled into the descending spiral that these poor pessimists create. Catch yourself before you fall into that familiar dialogue. This is a trap that you can recognize and step around. Our bodies are great guarders of this kind of intruder. Be aware of what yours is telling you. Watch for physiological responses when a “downer” is around; upset stomach, headache, increased blood pressure and the like. Don’t ignore these signs. They’re your bodies way of sending you a life boat before your enter the murky water.

It is hard to avoid these doom and gloom types totally, but I do suggest spending as little time with them as possible. When you must, select your topics of discussion carefully.

You have the right to dream, flourish, and succeed with total confidence that the choices you are making are good ones. Find the people who hold you up and celebrate your achievements, people who add to your well being with their insight. They are far more worthy of your time.

Who is raining on your parade? Are you going to continue to let them?

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“Cottaging” – it’s in our DNA

Posted on June 6, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

I was speaking with someone last week who grew up in California. He has been living in Toronto for many years now but the idea of “cottaging” is still a foreign concept to him.

Our conversation started me thinking about my cottage and what it means to me. For starters, calling it mine would be a false statement. The cottage I go to, and have gone to every summer since I was conceived, has been in my family for five generations. An Urquhart tradition since 1888, and it belongs collectively to every member of our tribe, living and not.

Each person has made their own personal mark on the land and buildings that make up this spiritual place. The vintage structures and the towering old maples that surround hold every moment in their confidence. Every fear, every laugh, every argument, every heartache, every voice lingers here; as does the energy of the people they belong and belonged to.

All who pass through this place related or not, are embraced by the warm hangover of ancestral presence. This is not by chance. The roots have been buried deep in the soil here so that each generation can participate joyfully in their continued growth.

I am fortunate to be one who gets to dance with the legacy. With any luck I will leave my mark as well.

Is it any wonder why someone from California can’t understand the significance of the Ontario cottage? I can barely grasp it myself.

How is it that a patch of land can foster such defining importance?

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The Single Host

Posted on May 24, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

Planning a dinner party when you’re single can be a very angst provoking task.

First of all, you have to decide who to invite. I know everyone has that problem, but when you’re single, you don’t really want to be – heaven forbid – the only one at your party without a date. It becomes important that you have a good mix of friends so the couples are comfortable with your single status and the singles don’t think that you have planned the whole evening just to woo one of them into your lair.

Then there is the dreaded uneven number at the table. If you just have couples and don’t invite that “extra person,” your attempt at Martha Stewart place setting perfection will go up in flames. Glasses won’t line up; people won’t be seated across from one another and OMG the whole boy, girl thing will be pooched.

Could this be why single people rarely get invited to dinner parties? We throw off the symmetry or perhaps it’s because our couple friends feel they have to find a dinner “companion” for us before adding our name to the list. “By the way, we invited our second cousin’s older, divorced, unemployed brother, thought you two might hit it off.” When did dinner become like mountain biking or swimming? Always have a buddy. You might need help with your fork.

So what to do to make the dinner party experience less stressful and single friendly? Here are a few thoughts:

  • Invite couples that are in you inner circle and by that I mean both the husband and wife are people you would spend, and have spent, one-on-one time with. “Husband Friends” are typically quick to jump into the “guy” role, serving drinks and tending to the barbeque. You won’t even notice you don’t have a date.
  • Ask your friends to bring two other people that you don’t know. I suggest two as just one person can lead to that awkward set up mentioned earlier. New people help keep the conversation fresh and unexpected and you won’t be totally responsible for the guest list. This will also open a whole new social circle for you. Who knows who you might discover?
  • Fill that empty chair with a gay male friend. Can’t say enough about gay men. They are a single girl’s perfect date, welcome at any dinner party.
  • Have the dinner catered. Letting someone else worry about all the logistics, allows you to be your own guest. It doesn’t hurt to have a few catering cuties milling about either. Good for a single girl’s ego.

The main point is, whether you’ve never been married, or you are now divorced; stay in the game. A girl’s gotta eat!

What will your next dinner party look like?

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Mentoring – not just for the old and wise

Posted on May 2, 2011 by Caird Urquhart

It is important, as it has always been, to have someone in your life that has travelled part of the road you are now on. A seasoned veteran in the game you play. Whether you’re climbing the corporate ladder or raising children, being able to get advice from someone who knows the tricks of the trade, can save you a lot of woes.

Equally important, newer members of the arena of mentorship are the “youngins”. This rapid thinking, quick fingered, group of juniors, is a growing breed. When you have the need for answers, to the sea of technological questions that surround, consider these peeps for your first call.

I lean on my nieces and nephews. I could spend countless hours, trying to figure out how to download pictures onto my Facebook page from my digital camera. Yes, it would take me awhile. But alas, I have my social networking, savvy, “youngins”. Five minutes of their time can accomplish most, perceived daunting, tasks. The job gets done at lightning speed and I receive a quick tutorial in the process.

I was sent a text today…”TAU”. I had to ponder it for a while. Finally I decoded the brief script, “Thinking about you!” Shortly after that, I was speaking with one of my nieces.  I told her about the text slang, assuming she would get it right away. She didn’t. After revealing the mystery to her, she responded with, “Aunt Caird that’s one of your friends trying to be young. No one uses that short form; LOL maybe, but never TAU.”  Apparently my generation not only needs technical support but we also need linguists. It’s a fine line between being current and being a nerd.

I’m proud to say that I am a good student. I’m presently writing my blog; simultaneously texting; responding to emails; speaking with family on Skype and shuffling songs, with a remote that controls my Ipod, currently parked in its docking station. Not bad, for someone who used to get up to change the channel, on her parent’s black and white television. Ouch. That’s age revealing.

Younger mentors; if you don’t have one, be prepared to be overrun by the generation below you. They are in line to control our world. Best get on the techno-train of the future, with a “youngin” at the helm; closely supervised by the old and wise of course.

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